Too Intimate

Since my mom died earlier this year many family dynamics have changed- they had too!

I've grown alot closer to some extended family members and have been given the responsibility of others. I've fallen out of touch completely with some and don't talk much with others although that is more than likely happenstance than anything....you never truely realize how much your parents serve as a bridge to other family until their gone. My mom was the bridge to some many branches of this family and now we are all forced to redefine our roles and relationships.

So i'm learning about my family in ways I never really had to before. I'm finding problems where I thought there were placid waters and finding a new depth of love and appreciation for some who I thought I had all figured out.

In ways I feel strange with these people- who are they and what did they do with my family? The one's I grew up with and who supplied the soundtrack to this thing I call my life. At times I feel like it's too intimate a thing we're doing. I feel like when some share what's really going on with them that I shouldn't be there hearing what I am- shouldn't be knowing what I know, but why shouldn't I they are my family. I guess it's just strange for me to be closer to the action. Closer to the problems and the joys closer to the goings on instead of convienently distanced from it through the great loving filter that was my mother.