I don't know

I have a friend who's disappointed me gravely....

I think I have to step away from our relationship for my own good....

I'm sad!

I was recently also a bit sad remembering a friend who I am no longer in touch with- I was missing her even though it did end for the right reasons....we had just grown apart and began to value different things in different ways.

I don't know what it is about myself that finds me in friendship after friendship and relationship after relationship where I am the one who cares more...

I am the one who goes the extra mile to plan things or do favors or just extend myself in general- because I believe in my heart that if you care for someone that's what you do....but sadly I've discovered yet again that one of my friends doesn't

and that breaks my heart because I deserve a friend that will do and not just say

As I was thinking this all out last night I was watching TV- not really watching more like thinking while staring

and the news was on and it caught my attention because there was the story of two women- best friends- one of which needed a kidney transplant and the other turned out to be a perfect match. The donor friend said she was the one who was being selfish because she couldn't imagine losing her dear friend- so she was doing what she was doing so she could keep her friend for as long as she could.

I thought that was so BEAUTIFUL and someone said you know a friend when they walk toward you while everyone is walking away....

I began to cry because I don't think I've had that kind of relationship - I'm sure maybe I have and I can't recall because I am just overwhelmed by the sadness that comes from realizing that a friendship is over.....

What happened to loyalty- to dedication- to true caring and non-manipulative attention?

I feel so alien right now- I feel surrounded by a world of people I can not relate to

I feel lost

I want to find my people- the people who will enhance my life and I theirs

I'm not just talking about boyfriends.....but friends people to share life with both good and bad, triumphant and sullen

I want to find people who will wish the best for me- who see my value and count themselves lucky to have me in their life and I want to feel the same.

I pray that God send me some people to count on- I don't need a kidney like the woman in the news report, but a hiking or movie Buddie would be cool- someone who won't sleep with my boyfriend or hang out with me more or less depending on who she's dating at the moment and whether or not he likes me.

Someone who won't say she feels bad for asking me to do her a certain favor because she likely wouldn't return the favor......at times I am truly shocked by people and how they are so incredibly rude!

A window into a person's soul is found in comments they make when they aren't paying much attention.