A Moment of Pause

Ever felt that moment of Pause when you just get in a fight with someone you love and you walk out the door only to think I should go back in there and make this right or think what am I leaving for. I have and it's interesting to me because nothing good has come of that pause!

The weekend before my mom died that very thing happened. We got in a silly fight and I left. She said she really wish I wouldn't go but I did and on my way home I had that moment of pause, but I was tired and irritated and ignored my instinct and went anyway. I really wish I didn't. The week before my brother died I was on the phone with my Mom and I heard him in the back ground. Is that my sister? Tell her to come over this weekend I want to spend some time with her. I could have driven over that night. He didn't ask and so I didn't, but now I wish I had. The day a great love in my life and I broke up we had a very tense, long and silent drive home where I could have said something.... anything to clear the air. I don't know if it would have made a difference but I didn't do it and of course the situation ran it's course. My best friend for many years and I were driving home from a day out together. She was making some really careless statements to me. Some that felt more like they could have come from some rude person who just met me not a best friend of 10+ years. I sat there in silent insistence that she apologize instead of saying how hurt I really was. I got a couple calls on my cell phone with her apology, but I didn't call her back and the moment was there too. I get it every once in a while when I miss her. I want to call and I don't mostly because she hasn't either.

I wonder if the pause is God giving you a choice. A fork in the road. Take this road or that, but either way your life will forever be changed! I think it might be....because I have no other explanation for it. I've felt it so strongly so that I have recognized the moment and have chosen each and everytime to do or not do what i've done. It sucks! I think i've failed more than made the right choices.

When those moments come around again will I be afraid to move? I hope i'll act with my heart.....and I hope that whatever I do that it will be good enough for me.